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Hither and Thither Thoughts

I’m trying to stretch myself in my spiritual readings and this means that I have begun daily readings of St. John of the Cross. I’m not really familiar with many of the early Church leaders but this book happened my way and I felt an irresistible pull towards it and coughed up the 75 cents to make it mine. It’s been interesting. Some of his ideas I disagree with and cock an eyebrow in his general direction over but some things he says strike a resonance and I spend time chewing and meditating on statements that he makes. Here was today’s.

“…the covetous man runs here and there within the limits of the chain binding his heart. Despite all efforts he can scarcely free himself even for a moment from the bondage of his thoughts, which constantly run to the place where he has fixed his heart.”

I don’t think of myself as a naturally covetous person but there’s a reason this stayed with me. During my day as I move through the motions and experiences of life, where do my thoughts go? Do they go directly to God? Sometimes. But often they go to achievement, self-indulgence, relational worries, or just general wanderings.

The phrase “constantly run to the place where he has fixed his heart” relating to the bondage of thoughts made me pause. My thoughts don’t always run to God. They run all over, like St. John describes. So what does that mean for me?

Well, It all relates back to self-discipline, in a way. It’s the things in life that I don’t control or have trouble controlling that consume me. How I deal with others in relationship, the choices I make for my personal health, fears I have over safety of loved ones, use of my time, what others think of me. These things can consume my thoughts and I sometimes find myself constantly running to these things in my thought life. So, great, another area that needs discipline. But, I have a suspicion. I believe that it’s a discipline issue but also a trust issue and a matter of choice and focus. I turn my thoughts and heart’s eye upon God and reflect these situations and issues and choices back to him. I stop, I pray, I breathe, and I start to include God in these internal conversations. I include God in the decision-making and start to realize that in directing these thoughts towards him and his wisdom and truth, I am, in essence, starting to fix my heart on him as well. Because then he becomes the locus around which all other elements of my life revolve. He is placed where he should be, at the centre of it all, the centre of my mind and heart.