It’s been a day.
A day of watching and receiving other people’s hurts.
Of exploring how we as human beings view one another and the fear and grace of end of life.
It’s been a day of too little reserves, too much salad and not enough hamburgers, not enough water and not enough iced tea.
It’s been a day.
It’s been a day where I wish my words were powered like a shop-vac with a reverse switch, where as soon as something flowed, it could be gathered up again in an instant.
It’s been a day of the best intentions and the most clumsiness.
It was a day where in the attempt to connect with a group, I may have inadvertently hurt the one. Where something I said may have resonated a discordant clang against the wounds of their experience and I wish, I wished the moment I said it that I could gather it up.
But instead I looked in the eyes and tried to smooth, yet not make a big deal, yet all the while worrying that a person I admire and try to emulate may thing that I think things I don’t think.
I hate that. I hate the thought that within my reserve-less jabbering I was like a dog who brought my dead carcass treat and laid it at someone’s feet.
Where I had wounded where I meant to connect.
“Watch your words and hold your tongue and you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble.” Proverbs 21:23 (MSG)
Yep, can’t argue with you there.
I’m normally pretty good at holding my tongue. I try to keep secrets and use my nice words and try to look on the positive. And I think I’m pretty successful.
But there are the days, like these, where there is over-tiredness, and a kid barfing, and too much salad, and my words aren’t what I hoped they would be.
So what do I do?
I vent, to God on the way home and to my husband when I get home. And they tell me that I’m going to be ok. And I pray. I pray about what to do, what amends are needed and how to go about it.
Because we all have those days. Days where we wish we were vacuums and wet wipes and could make it all better. But I go forward and I learn, and I remember that self-care and thoughts are important before the words come.