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Can We Balance Service and Self?

There never seems to be enough time, enough space, enough help, enough helping, never enough of those things we know we should do but can’t seem to find the time to do. Our culture tells us to have me time, tells us to sacrifice all for our friends or children, tells us to plug in and unplug.

It feels like there is a constant tension between self care and service. Helping ourselves and helping others.

And how do we get it right? What’s the balance?

Because if it’s all about me, then am I being selfish? But if it’s all about others, am I being harmful to myself?

This tension between self-care and caring for others is felt not only in our culture but within many who follow Christ. If we are to be like Christ, we are called to do as he did.

“but [He] made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:7

It’s a tension that is very real for many of us. I feel it myself. There’s the desire to help others, to give of myself, my time and resources. But this is countered by my desire just to stop, rest, be, not shoulder any one else’s burdens as I struggle through my own.

When I don’t lovingly serve others, I fall into the trap of self-indulgence and self-importance.

When I don’t practice self-care, I find my capacity to serve is diminished and my approach is clouded with bitterness and sigh-filled obligation.

So where does the sweet spot exist?

Where can I find that peace of mind and peace of heart that comes with joy-filled service and peace filled rest?

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

Here lies the balance. And it comes from an unlikely source. I don’t often think of the apostle Paul as the poster child for balance. Paul is all in. He deals many times in absolutes, choosing sides, letting his yes’s and no’s resound through his writings.

But there is balance. In this small verse, in the midst of exhortations to be a servant like Christ is this idea of balance.

There are two sides to our natures, God designed and God given. He created us to serve. To serve joyfully and with humility, seeking to lift others up with our words, deeds, and loving kindness.

But the other side is important as well. The side where we see that in order for this service, this ministry, to be sustained, we need to refuel.

We need time with God, time with our thoughts, time away, time within. We need to have time and space to stop and breathe, to listen and exhale.

He knew from the beginning of time, when he created the world that there needed to be work and rest, service and restoring of soul, output and input. Sabbath is our gift and reminder that he knows our natures because he created us and modelled for us what it means to have both sides to our nature.

If we are to be like Christ, we serve and we rest just as he did.

And that’s how God made us. With two sides to this coin of humanity. The growth and refining that comes from lovingly serving in community and the peace and re-centering that comes from time with him.

There’s the balance. There’s the life giving permission to be all that he created us to be.

8 thoughts on “Can We Balance Service and Self?

  1. Nice blog Mandy. It is a tension we need to address again and again it seems.
    I think sometimes to we ‘servants’ don’t look enough to the community for our rest. The Sabbath is, in part, meant to be spent in community. Worshiping together brings rest to our souls.
    We need people to speak into our lives, and, I believe, God puts those people in the congregation of which are are a PART.
    And, as you say, we are often so busy serving we don’t actually slow down, listen and rest in the LORD.
    Blessings on you in this season of ‘resting’.

  2. Nice blog Mandy. It is a tension we need to address again and again it seems.
    I think sometimes to we ‘servants’ don’t look enough to the community for our rest. The Sabbath is, in part, meant to be spent in community. Worshiping together brings rest to our souls.
    We need people to speak into our lives, and, I believe, God puts those people in the congregation of which are are a PART.
    And, as you say, we are often so busy serving we don’t actually slow down, listen and rest in the LORD.
    Blessings on you in this season of ‘resting’.

  3. Yes! Living in North America complicates the issue
    We live in a demanding culture, full of unrealistic expectations. When we bustle about accomplishing great things, we are praised and thanked. But there is a cost and it is often forced upon others – our children, our friends, our spouse. When we spend too much time on ourselves, studying, exercising, resting, etc., then there is a cost again, often shouldered by the same people and relationships.
    I think there is an ebb and flow of life that has disappeared and that we need to have back. I believe that God values that ebb and flow and when it is valued by our culture and by ourselves, we will have balance. I wonder if it will ever happen.
    …just thinking.

    1. I think so too, Sharon. That the pendulum can swing to far either way. And if we keep looking at culture for the rule of how this plays out, we will continually be dissatisfied.

  4. Yes! Living in North America complicates the issue
    We live in a demanding culture, full of unrealistic expectations. When we bustle about accomplishing great things, we are praised and thanked. But there is a cost and it is often forced upon others – our children, our friends, our spouse. When we spend too much time on ourselves, studying, exercising, resting, etc., then there is a cost again, often shouldered by the same people and relationships.
    I think there is an ebb and flow of life that has disappeared and that we need to have back. I believe that God values that ebb and flow and when it is valued by our culture and by ourselves, we will have balance. I wonder if it will ever happen.
    …just thinking.

    1. I think so too, Sharon. That the pendulum can swing to far either way. And if we keep looking at culture for the rule of how this plays out, we will continually be dissatisfied.

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