It’s not often I concern myself overly with media but for some reason some of the issues I’m working through are coming up in the media these days. Today it was sex verification in sports relating to the Olympics where women with higher levels of testosterone may not be allowed to compete. From gender specific toys at fast food restaurants (let’s get real, now that I have a daughter I’m starting to see that the girls toys really do suck compared to the boys toys) to political ideas of what it means to be a woman in a woman’s body, what it means to be female and feminine is a question on my mind.

This is especially close to my heart right now as our denomination is preparing to vote on the ordination of women. I have been reading articles and opinions on both sides of the debate and it has brought up a lot of soul-searching in my heart about what it means for me to be a woman, created in God’s image, partnering with my husband and ministering with and to people of both genders.

There is so much in our culture that says what a woman is. A woman is emotional, pretty, a mother, a wife, a single woman, a career woman, a stay at home mom (albeit a frazzled one, most of the time if media portrayals are any indication), vulnerable, and pliable.

As Christians we are called to be in the world and not of the world and that means that we are to recognize the things in our culture that are not Christlike and choose Christ over these things. There are so many things in our culture that address what a woman is supposed to be and I don’t know if it’s a contrary streak in me, but I am so discontent with so many of those things. I chafe at some of these ideas (like overly emotional) because really, I don’t want to be classified. I’m not an overly emotional person. There’s nothing wrong with expressing emotions in a healthy manner but I don’t want to be seen as a person who gives way to my emotions and does not see the value of self-control and appropriateness in different situations. I also really REALLY chafe at the Princess phenomenon when it tells my daughter that she needs to be vapid and demanding and entitled. So, all in all, I’m experiencing some heavy chafing when it comes to what culture tells me what I, as a woman, am supposed to be.

I’m alright with that struggle. I am supposed to be discontent with what culture tells me about myself when it goes against what God desires for me. But what do I do when I turn my eyes towards the Church and see differing opinions of what it means to be female as well?

As I’ve been reading these articles about the role of women in the church, written by men and by women, many times I hear not what I am supposed to be as woman, but what I am NOT to be as woman. Some (not all, please don’t think I mean all) of the messages I receive tell me that my strong leadership skills are to be limited in scope. My spiritual gifting is to be corralled in their effectiveness. My gender, something I cannot change and is God-given, has been likened to sinful behaviour. I am to mistrust the calling God has given me or if not to mistrust the calling, to curb it and limit its range.

What do I do when my giftings, which are contained in this feminine form, are not “feminine”? Do you get an idea of my frustration and the frustration of so many people in the same situation? It has led me to seek and search what it means for me to be created Female, to reflect God’s image, to be gifted by the Holy Spirit, to be called by God, to be saved through Jesus’ blood.

I look at different women in the Bible, how they have used their gifts and strengths, how they have gone beyond some of our ideas and cultural norms. I think of Deborah, judge of Israel. I think of Priscilla, mentor to Paul. And as I usually do, I think of the woman in Proverbs 31. Her example has been used inappropriately in the past, I believe. I think that for many women this image is sour and oppressive and harsh. But that’s how it has been used, not how she is. She is not downtrodden. She is not oppressed. She is gifted, a leader, a business person, a philanthropist, strong, and hardworking. She is also fun-loving and tough and interesting. I would like to know her. I would like to BE her.

When I think about false expectations and limitations placed on me as a woman by secular culture and some parts of church culture I think of these women and how God used them in extraordinary ways. They were strong, gifted, intelligent, hard-working,  working in tandem with both women and men and great ministry partners to both genders. Their gifts and strengths did not take from the men around them, they worked in partnership for greater ministry.

I still feel the press of expectation to fit the mold of both secular and church culture. It’s not easy to feel that the way God has called and gifted you is unacceptable in some eyes. But ultimately, I am accountable to God for who he made me to be and to use these gifts, training, personality traits, which are enmeshed in this feminine representation of God’s image. Becoming crippled by other people’s expectations of what they think I should be makes me less effective in ministry and disingenuous to who God created me to be. He has created me to worship, love him and others, to serve, and to work, to enjoy, seek, and strive. His approval is all I need.

“…a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

Proverbs 31:30b-31