Tired Trailblazer

So, I’m in a theological situation that is tough, sometimes frustrating, and many times seems insurmountable. There are two sides to the issue, two definite camps, and the middle ground seems non-existent. I was telling all this to my dear husband, telling him my frustration, my desire for change, and my feelings of disappointment. This is not the first time I’ve been in this situation, not one of this magnitude, but there are times in my life when my calling from God seems in conflict with the beliefs of others. It’s tiring. I hate it. My tired heart longs to cry out the cry of the desperate “Why can’t we all just get along”.

But, it’s not that easy. Seeking God looks different to different people and meeting in the middle can seem as impossible as either side being completely swayed. There are times I wish that these issues were already dealt with and it was no longer even on the radar. That I could take resolution for granted.

But my husband said something to me that I need to think about. Something that I need to prepare my heart for because I can see the wisdom in it. He said “I think that in this situation you are not going to be the recipient of someone’s else’s battle. You are going to be  one of the people who has to work hard to bring about change.”

There is so much wisdom in what he says. It makes me think of others who came before me, fought their battles for things that now I take for granted. It will take a different kind of strength to forge a new path. The forging may take a long time, may take a lifetime, but the decision need to be made, is it worth it? I think it is. There are still times I will get frustrated, angry, disappointed, hurt, but the reality is that if we realize that this change we are committed to takes work, guts, stamina, it levels out the emotions somewhat. It takes away the surprise of setback.

It’s a good reminder to me that sometimes when I think I should see the end of a struggle, God calls me to realize that this might be the beginning of a struggle. Am I going to give up or am I going to really begin?