As I sit writing this, I am surrounded by the dark grey fog of burnt toast smell. My microwave is humming with a bowl of water and lemons and there is a distinct and un-sourcable draft swirling around me.

Oh the joys of a Friday morning breakfast.

My dear middle son wanted melted butter on his toast. He really did. And in the climate we live in where the buses haven’t run in about a week due to extreme cold, soft butter is not something easily found first thing in the morning. So, the combination of already toasted bread, hard butter liberally applied, and a too-long stint in the microwave meant that my morning shower was accompanied by the smells and hollering back and forth of a blackened toast and burnt butter kitchen.

He is now merrily off to school, wiser and undaunted. I sit in the repercussions of his butter hopes and dreams.

Part of his learning today was the idea of ‘too much’. That microwaves cook as well as just warm things. That if we overdo, then there can be fallout, whether it be burnt on butter or a stench around us that we have to live in for a while.

I’ve known that burnt and living stench feeling. It’s come at various times and in various seasons of my life. And it’s gone beyond burnt toast.

Overloading and overdoing have been mistakes of mine. It’s not something I dip into intentionally. I don’t try to stack things so high in my life that it creates a mess and lingering sense of tension and emptyness.

But sometimes it happens. I make choices, say yes when I should have said no. I lose sight of the trajectory that Jesus has me on and I grasp and cling to things that I believe will be life-giving but end up being the opposite.

Why would I do this? Why would any of us overload or over do?

Here are some of my reasons and they might be maybes for you.

Sometimes I overload out of panic. Hoping and wanting things that seem out of my grasp so I say yes without thought or prior prayer.

I can overdo out of a sense of performance. Believing I’m needed for what I can do rather than accepted for who I am.

Overloading is also a good way not to feel lonely. If I’m always doing then I’m never stopping long enough to feel those feelings.

Or I have a misplaced desire to connect. If I am everywhere all the time, then I can make those connections that either fuel me or fuel what I hope to do someday.

If I overload and overdo I also don’t have to deal with emotions that I’d rather stay hidden down deep. Grief, pain, anger, sadness. All of these can be shoved down under the load of my activity and busyness.

There is hope for the under-the-load, my friend.

As I’m continuing to go through this time of newness and transition and re-sorting of who I am and what God has for me, I’ve found myself drawn into the book of Proverbs. Reading about Lady Wisdom, the insight of the wise, and practical words has been soothing and refocusing for my soul, heart, and mind.

“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.” Proverbs 4:25-27 NLT

Often we’re told not to seek out safety. Boldness, courage, thinking outside the box are touchstones of our culture. And these things are good and vital.

But when I think of my walk with Jesus, the straight and safe is best. The straight and safe is not made so because it will be easy or boring.

Straight and safe means that I’m working outside of my own frantic needs and desires and focusing my eyes on what Jesus lays before me.

When I start to overload and overdo, it means I’ve lost focus. My eyes are darting every which way and not fixed on what Jesus has planned for me.

Jesus’s planning not only involves my actions but also my impulses, my sense of identity, my gifts and talents. Jesus knows me, sees who I am, and has a path for me.

So when I’m overloaded and overburdened, the worst thing I can do is rush headlong, juggling plates and bowls and expectations. Like that oh so wise book of Proverbs says, Pause, look, fix your eyes on Jesus. He’s the path and source of your sustaining and purpose.

There is hope, my friends, if we have stillness in his presence, eyes to see, and a willingness to seek the straight and safe. It will be an adventure, I promise.