Sometimes good news from a friend makes me cry for the most unspiritual reasons.

When the emotion rising up within me does not match the ‘Congratulations!’ that come out of my mouth and I’m left with an empty feeling of ‘why not me?”.

I wish it wasn’t so. I wish there wasn’t this pit within me that burbles up the lie that ‘if they have than I don’t’. A resentment based in frustration that what has happened for them has not happened for me. And might never happen.

For me, this usually happens professionally. For you, it might be personally. Where what you’ve longed for, prayed for, tried for, has seemed to pass you by.

Where the answers to your prayers are ‘no’ or ‘not yet’ or silence.

It can be devastating.

And you’re sure, oh, so sure, that you are on the path God has placed for you. But this is what makes it so confusing. Because what makes logical sense to us does not always reflect what God is choosing in his wisdom.

I struggle with this. I don’t think I’m missing something, have strayed from the path God has for me. I want to be where God has placed me and I believe firmly that I have listened to him and obeyed his leading. No, the struggle is the childlike sense of ‘fairness’ that sometimes cries out from within me.

I’ve done everything that you’ve asked me. Why hasn’t this happened like it should?

It doesn’t seem fair.

These are hard places to be. And sometimes they are long places to be. They can be places of weeks or years where we struggle with the questions and don’t have the answers.

But where is the peace within it? How do we move through tears and wrestle with this without losing hope?

Pouring water.

The pouring water of our tears before God, yes, absolutely. It is cleansing and healing and right that we should pour out our hearts before the one who knows our hearts better than we do.

But I’m speaking of another kind of water.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible right now is a simple one, one that you might pass by. But it’s earned the right to be on a curling post-it note on the wall above my desk. It’s there for me to look at. It’s a reminder and a calling.

…He used to pour water on the hands of Elijah.

2 Kings 3:11b

This verse gives me perspective. Because, you see, this verse represents a journey that the prophet Elisha has been on. And in this phrase, so much of his journey is revealed so simply.

When this line is spoken about Elisha it is in the height of his prophetic ministry. He is being discussed by kings, sought after, is in the midst of the political and spiritual workings of his nation.

Why, then, is this phrase so important?

Because there is just as much honor, if not more, in the times we serve and uplift others than when we are the centre of attention.

A large portion of Elisha’s ministry and learning happened as he was in the background, supporting Elijah, learning from him, being the hands behind the ministry. It was this time that others refer to when they say that he used to pour water on Elijah’s hands.

Often I want the water to be poured out on my hands but God is calling me to pour out upon others.

And sometimes that pouring out upon others means doing whatever I can to be a part of their success, even when I wish it was me.

Maybe it’s fighting for others to have opportunities you do not yet have.

Maybe it’s encouraging others when your heart is breaking with jealousy and longing.

Maybe it’s learning go be happy for others while feeling sad for yourself.

It’s learning the size of the table Jesus calls us all to, with room for everyone. Learning that the seat he has placed for you is a Goldilocks seat, just right for you and not a fit for others.

There will be tears. And sometimes the tears will come as you cup your hands to hoist another person on their way to new heights.

But here’s the calling.

Hoist them has high as you can, as far as you can, even if you grit your teeth while you do it.

Tell God about it, cry before him, and then listen. Listen to his truth, his words, about how the chair he’s placed for you at his table is just for you. Soak in his words, written and spoken, about how you are gifted and called to this life into which he has placed you.

Think back with gratitude. Look for places in your life, past and present, where God has poured water over you like a river. Where you have been guided by him into service for him and it felt good, and hard, and meaningful.

Look for where others have washed your hands. The generations before you that moved and believed and served so that you could serve and move and be as you are. The people whose stories are stepping stones for your own. The encouragement of others that made you want to be ‘just like them when you grew up’.

And be like them. Be the one who encourages, upholds, uplifts. Be the person who models their life and actions after Christ. Make more seats at your table, pull out chairs, squish together with others so that more people can come and eat of what Jesus and his Bride, the Chttps://unsplash.com/photos/S4QKXmEL9XQhurch, offer.

You will have tears, I have. But there is also hope. Hope that Jesus is infinite, that his plans are wondrous, that there is a chair and a place just for you.

It is this hope that fuels me. Knowing that Jesus sees me as fearfully and wonderfully made, unlike any other. Which means my journey will be his to determine and mine alone.

So I wipe my tears, blow my nose, look around me for others to pour out into. And I wait actively for whatever God has for me.