It’s hard to outgrow the idea of instant gratification. It sneaks up in me subtly, sometimes with warning, sometimes without. But it does longer, way past times when I should be above and immune to such things. But it’s there.
It sits in envy and discontent. It sits in dissatisfaction and tired routine. It sits in endless winters and plunging the toilet for the third time while seeing someone else’s tanned face and beautiful pictures. It sits in the same four walls and same old things and same old same olds.
It also sits in ministry. In the desire for a jolt of recognition of the movement of God. In the expectation of results; the excited new believer, the movement of the Spirit, the transcendent experience of worship.
So often I get trapped by right now. I want what others have, want to do what they do, want the results that they get. Want to be a part of what they’re a part of.
And when you don’t get that it’s hard. It’s hard to persevere, hang in there, take one for the team, wait your turn, keep the faith, be steadfast and stalwart. It’s hard to wait. And expect, and long, and desire, and hope and dream without apparent foreseeable fulfillment.
I’m learning in life and in ministry that we all need reminders of the long term. The budget, family, work, ministry, for the greater good choices that we make are about reflective gratification. Short term stretching for long term gain. Realizing that my decisions are forward reaching. That the aches and envy come out of a deeper discontent then the desire for the new and latest.
I think the maturing comes with the reflective gratification. I’m starting to see the fruits of labours in a different way then I did ten years ago. I’m more conscious of missed relational opportunities. I’m starting to see the return on long term relational and ministry investments. I’m starting to see the change in me as I start looking inwardly and acting outwardly.
I’m not sure if the desire for instant gratification entirely goes away but now I can recognize it better. I can start to recognize when it’s selfish or motivating towards the good. When it’s spontaneous and building or filling the distant-from-God void. Whether its healthy wanderlust or escapism. Now I see it as a check and balance. A barometer for where my heart is pointed and where my eyes are trained. In ministry, are the results about me or about God? In my personal life, is it about schoolyard fairness or for the greater collective good? Is it about where I leave off and God begins?
Is it about now or is it about eternity?