It’s not often my mother in law offers me suggestions with relative firmness but this post is a direct result of her saying “You need to write your blog again”. It’s been a year (I know!) since I blogged regularly, or at all. It’s been a year of transition. Of goodbyes, unknowns, trust and the need for more and more trust. In the past 6 months my husband and I felt God’s strong leading to leave a church and community we loved and still love and have taken a leap into the unknown. It’s been difficult and wearying and eye-opening. And good.
One of the themes we heard over and over was “I wish I had the courage to follow God’s leading when he tells me to do something.” I don’t feel like a particularly courageous person. I quake with fear and anguish over the details when life-changing change happens. Not knowing is not a nice feeling to a person who likes to plan and who feels the weight of helping keep a family of 5 together through moving and garage sales and changing schools and seeking a new church home.
One thing that has gotten me through (apart from the certainty of God’s leading, a wonderful intuitive husband, and magnificent friends (Bonnie), is the story of Israel and Abraham. Often we see in Scripture that God leads out and commands people to follow. But the details can be hazy. A covenant to bless the nations while remaining childless, a pillar of smoke and fire leading to a mythical sounding promised land.
A command to ‘GO’ and a waiting silent answer to the question ‘To Where?’
It can be hard to follow when we’re not sure of the outcome. Not sure how to regulate and control our lives. Not sure how to do or be. Not knowing who we are to people we haven’t yet met.
But God hasn’t failed us. His presence, like those pillars of cloud and fire are there before us. Sometimes I strain to see around the bigness of those clouds and flames but I’m learning that seeing the world through the lens of God’s presence and promise is the only way to keep hope at the forefront.
There are so many layers in the grand scheme of God’s plans that we aren’t aware of. So many ways that our contribution or vacuum is necessary in big and small ways to advance his purpose. So many things we don’t see because we just can’t.
There is blessing the the moments of peace. Answered prayers for settled kids and rekindled friendships and a renewed view of the blessed expanse of the Church body. A place and peace in the waiting.
And wait we will, and praise, and question. But I know that we won’t move without God and we will move when he commands. And he will.