As I ponder the joys of the season, of which there are many, I do like to try and put a positive spin on chores that otherwise seem endless. Here’s the joy of vacuuming at Christmas.

1.) If you have a real tree, when you turn on your vacuum it smells like pine.

2.) It is good exercise to work off the 42 butter tarts you ate in front of “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”.

3.) Your screaming, over-tired, sugar-hangovered children don’t want to be anywhere near where cleaning occurs.

4.) You can pick up toys as you go and because of #3 above, you can sort through old toys and donate them without your children being any the wiser.

5.) It is the only socially acceptable way to passive-aggressively get back at your dog for barfing turkey bones on your laundry room floor, which you stepped in unsuspectingly as you tried to get your only pair of clean jeans that still fit (see #2) out of the dryer as company is knocking on the door.

6.) Whoops, was that Lego I heard?

7.) It drowns out the tenth run-through of “Feliz Navidad” which your children have been obsessed with this year (insert your Christmas song of choice, this is transferable)

8.) As the turkey burns/is still frozen, you are out of milk, you forgot to mail your Christmas cards, you have an extra 3 guests for Christmas and not enough tarts (see number 2 above), your toddler suddenly forgot they were potty trained, the dog barfed…again (see number 5 above) and as you stand as Lot’s wife looking at the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, you can be satisfied that at least your floor is freshly vacuumed.

Merry Christmas!