Emails written in bed at night can be dangerous things. If written in the wrong mood, ie. sadness or anger, these emails can wreak havoc through your ministry world. I have laid in bed and worked my way through many an email, some of them better left unsent. 

This week was the opportunity for one of those emails. My poor husband had to contend with my half muttering as I wrote, and this after I vented/raged/fussed/tantrumed at him about the situation. Lucky man.

What got me in such a tizzy, you might ask?

First, don’t read your emails before bed. 

Second, ministry. Ministry that would be so much easier if it didn’t involve people. 

My ministry toes were stepped on and I wanted none of it! My sand pile of ministry is mine and don’t mess with it! Just stop it and leave me alone!

I felt all of those exclamation points. 

I felt the intersection of serving and ego. My words reflected the ugly thoughts of ‘don’t they know I know how to do this so much better because of the letters behind the name and the paper and the years and the everythings?’ These thoughts that reflected the fact that even though ministry is intended to be, by its nature, collaborative, I still wanted my piece of it untouched by other people’s interference. 

My ministry was mine. 

Oh, reader and friend, is it ever not. 

Ministry, because of who it draws people to, is not mine. Ministry is designed not to point to me, but to Christ. Ministry is collaborative, reflected by the gift of the Church to us all and the pairings and trios of those who first ventured out. Elisha with his school of prophets, Moses and Aaron and Joshua, the disciples sent out two by two. We are better together. 

We are better together because we add where the other is subtract. Many minds and hands change the nature of work. 

But on that day, I recognized that we are better together because we ruffle each other. 

We are better together because how we respond as we work and serve together shines a light on our weaknesses. That might seem like the very last thing we would want, to have our weaknesses emerge in the context of ministry. 

But I believe our faith is worked out, our journey as in-the-process-of-sanctification people moves us farther as God shows us areas in our ministry where he is not glorified. These areas where we are not pointing at him but pointing accusing, trembling fingers at each other. 

Not everything we do, every attitude we have as we minister is holy. Sometimes the process shows us areas where we need to let God’s love shine through us and let his refining fire purge the selfishness out of us. Sometimes we need to pray and submit to God our way out of these times of anger, hurt, and frustration. 

He’ll do it. If we are attentive and take a breath and pray through our emotions and situation, God will give us clarity. We will rephrase that email, talk to the person directly instead of gossiping about them, take time to understand that other people feel feelings while doing ministry, too. 

In my case, the praying helped more than the venting. 

The praying gave me clarity about the issue, and the email reflected a better balance of boundaries and professionalism than it would have, that’s for sure. I feel ok about the situation and ready to move forward. And I’m very grateful for God’s perspective that allows me to not only see the situation but see myself better. He worked in me as I worked through the feelings and motives and words to write. And by the end, not only was the email better, but I’m better, too.